NAP Negotiations

With the NAP negotiations up in the air, I took it upon myself to ensure the TFP member nearest to me - one Vanad by name - was kept at bay lest I be caught unawares should negotiations shatter completely.

He wrote me (for the first time ever), a single line of text

What happened to the NAP?

Well, this SURELY warranted a response, but I know my duty to the HIVE. If I envenomed my quill too vigorously, it could damage negotiations. But how else CAN I write if not with my own "green ink", as it were?

At last I settled upon this reply. I do hope it meets with the standards we all hold so high.

Dearest Vanad,

You cannot imagine the anguish you have subjected me to with your one simple question. It is a cruelty worthy of... well... me, actually.

I have labored so hard to invigorate the ship production industry on your planets by eliminating – time and time again – the fleets with which you ply your trade in this universe. And when I heard that peace was being negotiated between our leagues, I wept (truly) that I could no longer come and visit my unique maelstrom of destruction upon your quaint mercantile worlds.

And then I received news that negotiations had broken down. I couldn’t – wouldn’t – believe it. And yet our Overminds confirmed it... the NAP has not been ratified! I immediately launched my fleet, knowing you would welcome their cold shadow cast across your cities (so deeply do I hold you in my heart, Vanad).

And now, after so long and so many visits to your world... you write me! I dared to hope that here, at last, would be the rejoicing embrace and the long over-due thanks for all I have suffered and labored on your behalf.

And instead of gratitude I am greeted with a rebuke? You dare strike at me so cruelly with your single question, steeped in the wounded tone of betrayal? You cut me to the quick, sir... a lover could not wound so deeply as you have with your single span of words.

But fear not, dear Vanad, for I am a man of compassion. Though I am baffled by your correspondence, I will not allow it to dissuade me from my cause. I shall soldier on bravely and stay my course, visiting your world again and again and again to stimulate your economy and give your people a reason to build and build again.

So highly do I esteem you, sir.

With Warm Regards,
Tesseract

ROTFLMAO